Loitering

I love it when Betty texts me, “I’m standing at the beach texting, is that loitering?”
“Only if you’re touching yourself,” I text back. “R U?”
“I am now,” Betty texts back.

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Talking Shit

Don’t you love it when the hotel you’re staying at mounts a phone right next to the toilet so you can call all your friends AND talk shit?

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Dangling

I love it when Betty and I are surfing and the pelicans are dive bombing for fish.
“I wonder if they are going to think our feet are fish?” I say to Betty.
“Probably, not,” says Betty, as she puts her feet on her surfboard.

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Hot Cop

I love it when we are riding our bikes and we run into the police. I always look like the single chick because Betty pulls the kid trailer, with my kid in it.
Which is probably why Betty can often be heard yelling, “honest he’s not my kid! I’m singllllllllllllle!” at hot guys, as they check me out.
As [...]

Moobs

“Betty, I don’t know what it is, but in the Parenting World there are not a lot of hot Dads,” I say. “For some reason there seems to be more hot Moms, it’s like a 69 to 1 ratio.”
Is it because MILFs don’t drink beer? Are MILFs more vain? Do MILFs have a personal trainer on the side?
Later [...]

Cuming Out

I love it when I tell my gurl friends, who claim to be straight, “I’m bisexual,” the first thing out of their mouths is, “so are you attracted to me?” I suppose everyone wants to be wanted. Oh my!
However, when I answer, “No,” the look of disappointment on their faces makes me say, “I can [...]

If Everyone Had Sex Everyday………..

I love it when Betty texts me: “If everyone had sex everyday, there wouldn’t be any grumpy people in the world.”
Well, Betty there would be the problem of the people who don’t have someone to have sex with everyday. On second thought, if those people could just masterbate everyday, that could be close enough.
“Oh, oh, oh, oh, [...]

Yeast Infection

I love it when Betty texts me, “my brother just asked me if I’ve ever had a yeast infection?”
Not wanting her bro to worry I text back:
“Tell him yeast infections are caused by antibiotics and he doesn’t have to worry about getting a sexually transmitted disease from his girlfriend ……it will just be a little [...]

Is It Obvious………..

I love it when Betty texts me, “Can people tell that I’m crazy? Last night someone told me to be good. This morning another person told me to focus on God.”
I text back: “Betty you’re not crazy, you’re paranoid. Religion will do that to a person…………………….”

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Walking My Bird

I love it when I see a guy walking his bird on the beach, carrying a skateboard. Sand and skateboards don’t mix……..did I really see that? Or did I have a negative ion induced hallucination?

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Don't You Love it When...