Pro Surfer Tweets

I love it when I can follow real Professional Surfers on Twitter.
“Surfed epic waves today, walking my dog on the beach,” tweets Pro Surfer Dude.
Pro Surfer Dudes aren’t much different from regular surfers. We all love surfing. Some of us are cool and some of us our obnoxious. But I prefer following the cool ones.
I [...]

Sexual Healing Marvin Gaye

I love it when I’m not feeling well. Sometimes the best remedies are natural ones. Such as sex. Is there anything a good orgasm or 10 can’t cure? Probably not.
But it leaves me wondering whoever started the myth of, “not tonight dear I have a headache.” Is the translation [...]

Cockblocking Surfer Chick

I love it when I’m surfing with shortboarders. Longboarders are like surfing with guys who have small dicks and have to make up for it by driving big trucks. It’s as if they have to prove they are the top dog with the biggest dick, by catching every wave in sight.
Even worse are some of [...]

Skidmarks

NO HAPPY ENDINGS MASSAGE BLISS

Michael Jackson RIP

OMG! Michael Jackson died today,” I say in shock. “He was only 50.”
“I’m sorry, but anyone who gets that much plastic surgery has something wrong him,” says Betty.
“Yeah, Betty, he’s dead,” I say.

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Taking Turns

I love it when I’m surfing with surfers who take turns catching waves.
“Betty you just paddled around me,” I say.
“Huh, I didn’t know you were gonna go!” says Betty. “You just caught a wave.”
“Um, yeah, but I never got to my feet,” I say wallowing in self-pity. “It doesnt count, that was my do-over wave.”
“I can’t [...]

Just Another Man Whore

I love it when Betty forwards me her text conversations with her guy crush. Because, then, I know for sure she likes a Man Whore, who says he is seeing someone. Just ’cause he acts innocent and cute, doesn’t mean he is, Betty. And the girlfriend story could be a cover for his lack of [...]

Too Much Information

I love it when my guy friends are chatty. and like to talk on the phone. But there are some things I really don’t need to know.
“Did I ever tell you my first was with my Best Friend’s Grandma?” asks Dude.
“Your Best Friend’s Grandma!” I say. “I just vomited in my mouth!”
“No really, it was great,” [...]

No Happy Endings Massage Bliss

I love it when people come for a massage, and they are comfortable with their bodies. But a healthy dose of modesty is a good thing in the Land of No Happy Endings Massage Bliss.
“I get massages at the nudist colony,” says Massage Client. “So, I really, dont need the top sheet,”
“Well, I do,” I say. “And [...]

Father’s Day

I love it when all the Dad’s surf on Father’s Day. Especially, when they have a sense of entitlement and think every wave is their wave.
“That’s my wave,” calls out Surfer Dad 1.
“I’m going!” says Surfer Dad 2.
“Got it!” says Surfer Dad 3.
Surfer Dads 1, 2 and 3 end up going on the same wave, [...]

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