Left My Glasses in Man Diego

I love it when Betty uses a stupid excuse to go surfing at her favorite warm water break, 9 hours away from home. She’s so convincing her reasoning almost makes sense. It must be nice to be single, childless and carefree.
“Darn, I left my sunnies in Man Diego at my sister’s house,” texts Betty.
“We’re going next month, you [...]

Tennis with Betty

I love it when there’s waves to surf. But when there isn’t, Betty and I always find something else to do, like play tennis.
We’re pretty much at the same skill level, so it’s great exercise and challenging. There’s only one problem playing tennis with Betty, she tends to attract a crowd. And it isn’t just [...]

Dodge Penis

I love it when I’m watching porn advertisements disguised as car commercials.
“Test drive the all new dodge penis with ego boost engine today,” says the TV announcer. “The all new dodge penis, has the thirst of a V6 and the thrust (driver puts hand on his stick, pause pause pause) of a V8.”
“The TV announcer [...]

The Only Trash Can On The Beach?

I love it when Betty and I get to the beach just in time to claim the last available trash can. Back in the day, a surfer didn’t have to lock her bike at the beach, but sadly, times have changed.
Once a trash can is claimed, other surfers usually stay away. Fortunately, there are other trash [...]

Strip Ping Pong

I love it when Betty goes out on a date. I can hardly wait until the next day to get all the details. Let’s just say Betty loves to kiss and tell.
“So what did you do after dinner?” I ask.
“We played Ping Pong,” says Betty.
“You played with his ding dong?” I say spitting out my [...]

Kid Moobs

I love it when I can just lounge at the pool, while I’m on vacation. It’s so relaxing, soaking up the sun and enjoying the scenery. Well, most of the scenery is enjoyable, but some of it is down right disturbing.
When did little boys start sporting moobs, man boobs? And if boys have moobs, do I go [...]

“Beat It” Michael Jackson

I love it when I can make a difference in people’s lives.
“Hey, Betty want to start a Surfing Boot Camp for Unmotivated Surfer Dudes?” I text Betty.
“Yeah!” texts Betty. “How do they surf everyday and still have pot bellies? We can totally help them get 6 pack abs.”
“Great what do you think our theme song [...]

Rio Cut Bikini

I love it when Betty goes shopping for a new bikini.
“Did you go to Old Navy, they had a ton of bathing suits,” I say.
“No, their suits cover too much skin,” complains Betty. ”I like the Rio cut because, the cut cums in, and makes my butt look rounder and juicier.”
“Yeah, I’m sure it helps that your butt already is [...]

Blow Up Doll

I love it when I’m at the mall with Betty. She’s always so fun. Especially when she’s got a little alcohol in her.
“Oh my gosh, let’s check and see if he has a ding dong,” says Betty, all hot and bothered by Manny the Mannequin’s six pack Abs.
But I didn’t see the point of checking at all.
“Betty, [...]

“You Talk Too Much” Run DMC

love it when the Ocean has it’s own natural way of taking care of loud mouth, obnoxious surfers.
“I’m sick and tired of listening to Surfer Dude talking non-sense,” says the Ocean. “I’ll take care of him.”
Snap!
“Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Gawd!” exclaims Surfer Dude as he pops up and discovers his surfboard in two pieces.

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