Dodge Penis

I love it when I’m watching porn advertisements disguised as car commercials.
“Test drive the all new dodge penis with ego boost engine today,” says the TV announcer. “The all new dodge penis, has the thirst of a V6 and the thrust (driver puts hand on his stick, pause pause pause) of a V8.”
“The TV announcer [...]

The Oldest Profession

I love it when I help Betty play the dating game, even though I no longer play the field. Once a playa always a playa.
“So did he pay for dinner?” I ask.
“He tried, but I wouldn’t let him,” says Betty.
“What, Betty, you have to let the guy wine and dine you, and open your car [...]

Will You Shave My Ass, Please?

“Um, babe, thanks for shaving my ass, again.” says Boyfriend. ”But my bum always gets dry and irritated after a shave. Could you rub some lotion on my bottom?”
“You should consider laser hair removal for more permanent, long lasting results,” suggests Girlfriend. “Or this relationship isn’t going to last much longer.”

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Afternoon Delight

I love it when I get to have afternoon sex with my husband.
Tired sex, is what we have if we wait until both kids fall asleep.
“Let’s not wait until the kids are asleep to have sex today,” I suggest to my Husband. “Put on a movie, at the other end of the house, so we can have some [...]

Was She Hot?

I love it when Betty gets hit on by a bi girl.
“A bi girl just grabbed my butt,” texts Betty.
“Was she hot?” I text.
“Yeah in slutty, bi curious, kind of way,” texts Betty. “She had on a little black dress and 4 inch pumps.”
“How’d you know she was bi?” I ask.
“She grabbed my brother’s butt, [...]

The Morning After

“Betty how did Baby Daddy end up in your room last night?” I ask. “You said you weren’t going to sleep with him.”
“Well, he was going to have to sleep on the floor because the boys in the band get first dibs on the bed,” Betty says. ” “I had this whole room to myself, [...]

Facebook Stalker

I love it when Betty’s guy crush follows us on vacation.
“Hey, I just got a text from Baby Daddy,” says Betty.
“What does he want, now?” I ask.
“He wants a surf report,” says Betty. “I’m going to tell him Mexico is going off!”
5 minutes later
“Oh my gosh!” squeals Betty. “He says he’s in Mexico, right now!”
“Betty, [...]

Peep Show

I love it when I change into my wetsuit, in privacy, at the beach. Because, there aren’t any Surfer Dudes, standing around, waiting for my towel to fall to the ground.
Towels falling to the ground, are what Voyeuristic Surfer Dudes wait for. Some wait in the shadows, watching from afar, waiting for a peep show.
They [...]

Throb Janet Jackson

Janet Jackson has always been my favorite Jackson. Not because she dances better, or has better songs. Because she doesn’t do either better than Michael.
Really, it may be because of this song, “Throb.” I mean with lyrics, like, “love to feel you throbbing.” How could she not be my favorite Jackson.
Yeah, I’m getting in the [...]

Hayride From Hell

I love it when we have family get togethers. My kids get to know, and play with their cousins, just like I did as a child. We eat great food. We catch up on old times.
“We’re going for a little hayride,” declares my Grandpa.
“Um, are there any seatbelts on this thing?” I ask. “It doesn’t [...]

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