Dodge Penis

I love it when I’m watching porn advertisements disguised as car commercials.
“Test drive the all new dodge penis with ego boost engine today,” says the TV announcer. “The all new dodge penis, has the thirst of a V6 and the thrust (driver puts hand on his stick, pause pause pause) of a V8.”
“The TV announcer [...]

Will You Shave My Ass, Please?

“Um, babe, thanks for shaving my ass, again.” says Boyfriend. ”But my bum always gets dry and irritated after a shave. Could you rub some lotion on my bottom?”
“You should consider laser hair removal for more permanent, long lasting results,” suggests Girlfriend. “Or this relationship isn’t going to last much longer.”

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Afternoon Delight

I love it when I get to have afternoon sex with my husband.
Tired sex, is what we have if we wait until both kids fall asleep.
“Let’s not wait until the kids are asleep to have sex today,” I suggest to my Husband. “Put on a movie, at the other end of the house, so we can have some [...]

Was She Hot?

I love it when Betty gets hit on by a bi girl.
“A bi girl just grabbed my butt,” texts Betty.
“Was she hot?” I text.
“Yeah in slutty, bi curious, kind of way,” texts Betty. “She had on a little black dress and 4 inch pumps.”
“How’d you know she was bi?” I ask.
“She grabbed my brother’s butt, [...]

Nothing for Me

I love it when Betty says cock. But I’m beginning to think Betty has to drink to loosen up. She only says cock when she’s drunk.
“Don’t you love that word?” I ask.
“Only when I’m drunk,” slurs Betty.
Me on the other hand I can say “hard cock,” all day long, without so much as a [...]

Shower Power

Betty: I’m so horny.
Susie: Has Hot Surfer Dude been texting you again?
Betty: Yeah, and now I’m all hot and bothered.
Susie: Masturbate. It’s not as good as sex, but it’s the next best thing.
Betty: There are too many people around. I have no privacy.
Susie: Go take a shower. You have a removable shower head right?
Betty: No.
Susie: [...]

Cockblocking Surfer Chick

I love it when I’m surfing with shortboarders. Longboarders are like surfing with guys who have small dicks and have to make up for it by driving big trucks. It’s as if they have to prove they are the top dog with the biggest dick, by catching every wave in sight.
Even worse are some of [...]

Excuse Me?

I love it when I walk through the door to drop my son off at school and a parent greets me with, “oh why did it have to be you?”
“Good morning to you, too,” I say.
Yes, people like that really make me appreciate the polite parents. The parents, who venture far enough out of their own little stressed [...]

Don’t Touch This

I love it when I tell my girlfriend I’m bisexual and, she starts touching me incessantly, five minutes after I’ve spoken my truth.
“Please stop touching me,” I say. ” It gets me all hot and bothered.”
Unfortunately, she doesn’t seem to be able to stop herself. Is it me? Is she bi-curious, or just a tease? Women.

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Cuming Out

I love it when I tell my gurl friends, who claim to be straight, “I’m bisexual,” the first thing out of their mouths is, “so are you attracted to me?” I suppose everyone wants to be wanted. Oh my!
However, when I answer, “No,” the look of disappointment on their faces makes me say, “I can [...]

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