Deep Tissue Massage

I love it when clients come in for a massage, and they say, “I like medium pressure.”
Most of my clients like medium pressure, thank goodness. But, on rare occasions, some people are looking for something I don’t offer.
“I like it really deep, as deep as you can go,” says Massage Client. ”You can go deeper.”
“No, [...]

Shower Before

I love it when people shower before they come in for a massage.
“I surfed and went for a hike today,” says Massage Client.
“Really, did you pee in your wetsuit too?” I ask.
“OMG!” exclaims Massage Client. ”Wow, you’re really good. How did you know?”
“I can just smell,” I say.

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Is it Contagious?

I love it when my massage clients come in with rash-free skin.
“You really need to have that rash looked at, and treated,” I say. “You’ve had it for weeks.”
“Well, it isn’t contagious,” infers Massage Client. “I mean you didn’t get it, did you?”
“I covered it up, so I didn’t have any contact with it,” [...]

Sexual Healing Marvin Gaye

I love it when I’m not feeling well. Sometimes the best remedies are natural ones. Such as sex. Is there anything a good orgasm or 10 can’t cure? Probably not.
But it leaves me wondering whoever started the myth of, “not tonight dear I have a headache.” Is the translation [...]

Cockblocking Surfer Chick

I love it when I’m surfing with shortboarders. Longboarders are like surfing with guys who have small dicks and have to make up for it by driving big trucks. It’s as if they have to prove they are the top dog with the biggest dick, by catching every wave in sight.
Even worse are some of [...]

Skidmarks

NO HAPPY ENDINGS MASSAGE BLISS

No Happy Endings Massage Bliss

I love it when people come for a massage, and they are comfortable with their bodies. But a healthy dose of modesty is a good thing in the Land of No Happy Endings Massage Bliss.
“I get massages at the nudist colony,” says Massage Client. “So, I really, dont need the top sheet,”
“Well, I do,” I say. “And [...]

Don't You Love it When...