http://www.dontyouloveitwhen.com Chronicling inappropriate fantasies and half truths based in an alternate reality. Fri, 21 Aug 2009 07:12:31 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en I love it when Betty uses a stupid excuse to go surfing at her favorite warm water break, 9 hours away from home.    She's so convincing her reasoning almost makes sense.  It must be nice to be single, childless and carefree. "Darn, I left my sunnies in Man Diego at my sister's house," texts ... http://www.dontyouloveitwhen.com/2009/08/left-my-glasses-in-man-diego/ I love it when there's waves to surf.  But when there isn't,  Betty and I always find something else to do, like play tennis. We're pretty much at the same skill level, so it's great exercise and challenging.  There's  only one problem playing tennis with Betty,  she tends  to attract a ... http://www.dontyouloveitwhen.com/2009/08/tennis-with-betty/ I love it when Betty meets a new guy.  The opposite sex is intriguing and mysterious. I'm glad it's her trying to figure it all out, and not me.  But I like to help out when I can. "I saw Surfer Joe again," texts Betty.   "He had a little dog with ... http://www.dontyouloveitwhen.com/2009/08/little-dog/ I love it when Betty travels to new places.  She always meets lots of new, fun people. "Oh my goodness!" texts Betty.  "There are so many cute guys hitting on me at the bar!" "Really?" I text. "Like how many guys?" "6 or 7, I'm not sure," texts Betty.  "There's so many guys,  I ... http://www.dontyouloveitwhen.com/2009/08/man-diego/ I love it when I'm watching porn advertisements disguised as car commercials. "Test drive the all new dodge penis with ego boost engine today," says the TV announcer.  "The all new dodge penis, has the thirst of a V6 and the thrust (driver puts hand on his stick, pause pause pause) ... http://www.dontyouloveitwhen.com/2009/08/dodge-penis/ I love it when Betty and I get to the beach just in time to claim the last available trash can. Back in the day, a surfer didn't have to lock  her bike at the beach,  but sadly, times have changed. Once a trash can is claimed, other surfers usually stay away.  ... http://www.dontyouloveitwhen.com/2009/08/the-only-trash-can-on-the-beach/ I love it when Betty goes out on a date. I can hardly wait until the next day to get all the details.  Let's just say Betty loves to kiss and tell. "So what did you do after dinner?" I ask. "We played Ping Pong," says Betty. "You played with his ding dong?" ... http://www.dontyouloveitwhen.com/2009/08/strip-ping-pong/ I love it when I help Betty play the dating game, even though I no longer play the field.  Once a playa always a playa. "So did he pay for dinner?" I ask. "He tried, but I wouldn't let him," says Betty. "What, Betty, you have to let the guy wine and dine ... http://www.dontyouloveitwhen.com/2009/08/the-oldest-profession/ "Um, babe, thanks for shaving my ass, again." says Boyfriend.  "But my bum always gets dry and irritated after a shave.  Could you rub some lotion on my bottom?" "You should consider laser hair removal for more permanent, long lasting results," suggests Girlfriend.   "Or this relationship isn't going to last much longer." http://www.dontyouloveitwhen.com/2009/08/will-you-shave-my-ass-please/ I love it when I get to have afternoon sex with my husband.  Tired sex, is what we have if we wait until both kids fall asleep.  "Let's not wait until the kids are asleep to have sex today," I suggest to my Husband.  "Put on a movie, at the other end of the house, ... http://www.dontyouloveitwhen.com/2009/08/afternoon-delight/